Love as Detrimental to Women

In my Intro to Political Science class last semester, we spent just a single 75 minute class period covering feminism. In our generic overview of the subject, my professor highlighted one section of the joint Feminism, Environmentalism, and Postmodernism chapter in our textbook. (Because, ya know. Those can easily be lumped into one chapter.)

"Wollstonecraft argued that love can be detrimental to women. Women have always been in a difficult position, according to Wollstonecraft, because the very group oppression women is also a group whose members women love. Love and romance can impede women's ability to demand respect from men and equality with men. For these reasons, Wollstonecraft described romantic love as a potentially threatening and draining emotion. Love could compel women to continue submitting to men; after all, would it not be difficult for a women to be confrontational when dealing with a life partner and beloved husband? Could love not make a woman weak by diminishing her desire for autonomy?" (Analyzing Politics 4e, Grigsby, pg 151. Yes I realize this is not a primary source. I'm OK with using the "cliff notes" version for discussing this)

We discussed this for 15-20 minutes and at the time I was firmly planted in the "This is crap!" category. Women are stronger and better than the weak archetype that "fall" for men that Wollstonecraft portrays us to be. I was mad that I had to defend my gender.

"I have an MD and a PhD. I'm a freakin' cardiothoracic surgeon. I'm supposed to be studying for my boards. The most important exam of my life, and...and I'm...and I'm, I'm, I'm locked in a bathroom, crying...because of a boy!"

That was before. Before I've spent months thinking about it. Before I've been Christina Yang. Several times. Crying because of a boy when I have better stuff to do. (Not in the bathroom though. Bathrooms are icky and uncomfortable.)

Now I wonder. Love, with all it's blissful joy, comes also with extreme pain. Love hurts. Have there been times when I've tolerated poor behavior in the name of love? In small ways I have lost control--lost my autonomy and it's scary. Maybe this is our downfall.