20140227

Impossible is nothing

"Impossible is nothing." is said. "Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing."

20131202

Christmas Letter 2013

I haven't posted here in over a year?! Apparently I've had other priorities...

2 December 2013

Dearest Friends and Family,

I've composed bits and pieces of this letter in my head over and over again but consistently fail to do that crucial step of putting pen to paper.

The last time I wrote a "Christmas Letter" update in Summer of 2009, I was working on slowly digging myself out of a deep, deep hole of a life. I dropped out of school and moved into my parents basement. Aside from a couple of temp jobs I was unemployed the entire year. Instead of working, I spent my time reflecting and planning for a better future, reading loads of bestsellers, and exercising daily with my dad.

At my parent's 40th anniversary party (August 2010) I announced my next big step: move to East Saint Louis, IL to volunteer for the Griffin Center for a year. Diane Sonneman, the director, helped me get an Americorps Scholarship to provide for my living expenses. I worked as an Education Advocate and Learning Lab Coordinator for an after-school program that served the children of the public housing projects in East Saint Louis. I'm not sure how effective I was under either of those lofty titles but I learned volumes about social justice, racism, and myself. As an outsider to the community, I struggled with my desire to learn and observe and my nature to fix it all--and right now too! I fluctuated hourly between hope and apathy. There are no easy answers...

Christmas in East Saint Louis
I'm convinced that there's something magical in the midwestern water because I blossomed socially in my year in the area. I made more friends and faster too than I have any other time in my life. Although I've only been back to St. Louis once since I left, I've been able to keep up with many of my St. Louis friends through conferences all around the country. (And a few of them have come to visit me too!)

Incredible STL Women: Lauren, Claire, Kaleena
Moving back to Colorado was a bitter-sweet choice that was primarily motivated by getting in-state tuition. I started back to school at the Community College of Denver Fall 2011 with a full load. The next semester I took a few engineering classes at University of Colorado Denver along with my full community college load (25 credit hours that semester). I'm doing well academically and am currently the president of the student chapter of the American Society of Civil Engineers on campus. Graduation from UCD is so close I can taste it. I'll be getting a B.S. in Civil Engineering in two short weeks.

I moved apartments last September and now live alone for the first time in a pretty big apartment. I'm loving my neighborhood, Capitol Hill, and just love having guests! (I think I got the hospitality bug from my mom.) Come visit! I have plenty of space and Colorado is amazing and Denver is even better. :)

A pretty major car crash last September (days after moving) totaled my 1995 Toyota Corolla. Thankfully I live in the right part of town because I've yet to replace it. I got a lot of good miles out of it and gave her many incredible road trips. I intend to go car-free until after graduation. So far, I can bike, walk, bus, fly, or politely mooch rides to get just about anywhere I need to go. I just love using and abusing my bike to fly past all the "cagers" when biking downtown.

My love of biking was temporarily derailed in April, however. I crashed hard when I saw the steps in my path only after tumbling down them. In the ER I remember telling the doctor, "Don't I at least get one year between accidents?" And right before finals too. It took me about a month to get back on that horse. I'm now a more convicted helmet user than ever.

My summer job was a big catalyst for biking again. An hour+ commute via bus gave me the push I needed to choose a 40-55 minute bike ride instead. I bike to/from work every day this summer! I worked as an inspector this summer for the Public Improvement Inspections division for the City of Aurora--a neighboring suburb. I was in the field almost full-time and helped oversee so many interesting construction projects! 


Looking fly in a hard hat and safety vest was tough, but I like to think I pulled it off.

When I'm not a student, I've been spending my free time dating. I love everything about getting to know someone new, instantly sizing them up and then noting where first impressions are wrong, comparing notes on hopes/dreams/likes/dislikes, and waiting for the perfect moment for a first kiss. For now, I'm just enjoying the ride.

Motorcycle Road Trip around Southwestern Colorado with a boyfriend.
This summer and fall have been the summer of weddings and I loved every one of them! Two cousins and two high school friends. First-time bridesmaid for the two high school friends too! So much fun. And each one came with a mini-vacation in the mountains of Colorado, Georgia, Iowa, and central California.

High School Church Friends Helping me "cover up"

Kaleena and Sarah
I know you're just burning to ask what adventures lie in store for me next. I have no idea. As soon as I finish up this semester I'll be in full-time job hunting mode. I passed my Fundamentals of Engineering Exam in April, (1st step in professional licensure for engineers.) so my prospects are bright. I can put initials after my name and everything! Kaleena Menke, EI. I've been giving my career a lot of thought and have a lofty list of qualities for my dream job: directly helping people/saving the world, actual engineering, field work, and travel. Got any ideas?

Final thoughts: My instructor for my capstone Civil Engineering Design Course just gave us these final words in his last lecture this evening and I love it:
To Have Succeeded
To laugh often and love much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children;
To earn the approbation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty,
To find the best in others;
To give one's self;
To leave the world a bit better,
     Whether by a healthy child,
     A garden patch,
Or a redeemed social condition;
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...
This is to have succeeded
~Bessie Anderson Stanley
Given my track record, it will probably be another four years before I bother to send another newsy update. In the meantime you can find me on Facebook, Google+, Twitter, LinkedIn, my blog and on and on and on. Hugs and Kisses, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year! Love, Kaleena

20121009

Love as Detrimental to Women

In my Intro to Political Science class last semester, we spent just a single 75 minute class period covering feminism. In our generic overview of the subject, my professor highlighted one section of the joint Feminism, Environmentalism, and Postmodernism chapter in our textbook. (Because, ya know. Those can easily be lumped into one chapter.)
"Wollstonecraft argued that love can be detrimental to women. Women have always been in a difficult position, according to Wollstonecraft, because the very group oppression women is also a group whose members women love. Love and romance can impede women's ability to demand respect from men and equality with men. For these reasons, Wollstonecraft described romantic love as a potentially threatening and draining emotion. Love could compel women to continue submitting to men; after all, would it not be difficult for a women to be confrontational when dealing with a life partner and beloved husband? Could love not make a woman weak by diminishing her desire for autonomy?" (Analyzing Politics 4e, Grigsby, pg 151. Yes I realize this is not a primary source. I'm OK with using the "cliff notes" version for discussing this)
We discussed this for 15-20 minutes and at the time I was firmly planted in the "This is crap!" category. Women are stronger and better than the weak archetype that "fall" for men that Wollstonecraft portrays us to be. I was mad that I had to defend my gender.


"I have an MD and a PhD. I'm a freakin' cardiothoracic surgeon. I'm supposed to be studying for my boards. The most important exam of my life, and...and I'm...and I'm, I'm, I'm locked in a bathroom, crying...because of a boy!"
That was before. Before I've spent months thinking about it. Before I've been Christina Yang. Several times. Crying because of a boy when I have better stuff to do. (Not in the bathroom though. Bathrooms are icky and uncomfortable.)

Now I wonder. Love, with all it's blissful joy, comes also with extreme pain. Love hurts. Have there been times when I've tolerated poor behavior in the name of love? In small ways I have lost control--lost my autonomy and it's scary. Maybe this is our downfall.


20120824

My Entertaining Professors

They make me giggle! (click for bigger pics)

My Structural Materials professor explaining how he attempts to teach to -σ to attempt to capture 84% of the class. The upper 2σ are going to be bored out of their minds and the lower 2σ are just screwed. There's a bell curve in there somewhere. I especially like the sad face and the happy face:


Here's my Fluid Dynamics professor explaining evaporation by way of the French Revolution:


It's gonna be a great semester :)

20120813

Wildfires

It's been hazy in Denver lately. I miss my usual blue, blue skies that have been overrun by yuck from wildfires in nearby states. The blah color reminded me that I never linked to my guest post on my own blog:

My View of the Colorado Wildfires
Tuesday was the nightmare day. The fire more than doubled in size and forced thousands more people to be evacuated, including my parents. I was once again stunned by my apathetic neighbors in Denver, only 60 miles away, going about their business as usual while the fire consumed my thoughts and my time for the better part of a week. I attempted to escape from the non-stop news coverage by first taking a long nap and then later watching a baseball game at a nearby bar but each time I checked back in with the real world the fire had grown significantly. I continually reminded myself and high school friends affected by the fire that “My family is safe. Your family is safe. Only things are in danger of being burned.” 

20120710

Dear River

A friend of mine died recently (a friend of a friend? an acquaintance? idunno what to call her) I have all sorts of mixed feelings about it. When my sister first told me I was fine. I was mostly concerned by how my sister was coping. She was my sister's friend and I met her first through my sister. But she always made sure to see me when I was in town visiting my sister.

Once I got off the phone, however, it was a different story. I had guests staying with me at the time who could tell that I was on a tough phone call and once they asked the key question, "Are you OK?" the uncontrollable sobbing began.


Dear River,
As my way of sorting through my thoughts, I rewatched the Firefly series thinking of you the whole time. Your namesake is an empathetic genius. My favorite scene in the whole series is when River forgets who and what she is and joins in a folk dance and loses herself in the happiness of dancing with strangers.



I've watched my niece bully you because that's what 3-year-olds do, but you always return with a smile.


Regardless of whether you remember me between visits, you always greet me with the warmest hugs. I treasure those. Thank you.

No need to emulate your namesake if she doesn't fit you, but she was a pretty cool chica if you're someday needing a role model:


My heart aches some for your mom who is no longer with us, but mostly for you. I hope you're able to dance amidst the pain. Be well little one. I can't wait to see who you are going to become.